Check Mate

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 Right as its about to get cold outside, I’m realizing its cold as fuck in church. Nothing about this is pleasant. I’m at work crying. I hate this right now. My mind isn’t clear enough to pray. So I am trying to write. Trying to use an anti-septic wipe to scrub “play me” off my forehead.

Its like you go to church to be cleansed. I guess. To be cleansed of whatever the hell life has put on you. But it doesn’t take long to realize that folks in the church are dirty gamers. They got the new shit before the new shit even comes out.  The looks. The back stabbing. The sabotage. The evilness. Strife. Damn. Some of these people need anti-septic wipes more than I do.

But what if you walked up to the alter and started to undress. Unbuttoned your blouse. Let it slide off your shoulders and hit the ground. Stepped one leg at a time out of your pants. Your fresh pedicure on that hard ass church floor.

And there you were. Naked. Vulnerable as hell, but trusting. You wanted to play. You’re a big girl. So you sat your ass down on the pew, shivering, and awaited your turn. Did someone turn the air on??

You didn't understand the rules, though. Never did. But you could see shit was fucked up. YOU were fucked up when you got there. All was fair. But shit got a whole lot worse, real quick.  

Because NOW, what the hell just happened???

You signed up. Your number got called. You slapped your vulnerability on the table like the big joker. And before you knew it, you had already loss.

You were playing the wrong game, love.  Inexperience in life will make you do that.

“Church” is almost like  chess. There is a king and queen. Knights and rooks. Bishops. Plenty of fucked up ass pawns. Everybody has a place and can only move a certain way. But for someone like me, a pawn, I never understood that. In church or in life. And maybe that is why I keep getting played. I think I am more important than I am and "church" had to show me that I am not. I am not any more special than anyone else. I distinctly remember saying that a loud, so why did I have to LEARN that.

 That shit hurt.

So do I ever win? Is “play me” forever tattooed on my forehead?

When does the pawn, ever yell, “check mate”?? You don’t. I didn't. 

I just took my pierced tits and fat ass and pushed away from the gaming table.

Maybe, I should wrap that prayer cloth around my naked ass because, in church, its cold as fuck!

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